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Why It hurts.

There hasn't been a day that I haven't found myself thinking about him. I said goodbye first, but I still miss him. Feelings still linger, but I know I don't want it again. I can't want it again, and I most certainly can't have it.  He says he still loves me, after I "shattered him into pieces", I have regretted hurting him the way I did since it was done, but I needed some air and space. I still do love him though. Lastnight, He calls, and for the first time since things have ended, we talked. We talked like old times, but it was different, yet too much a fimiliarity. It felt like nothing had ever happened, or it felt as if everything had happened,  A new name came up, and he said he needed her, because she picked up the mess i made. At this moment, i felt like someone had kicked my feet from beneath me. I don't know why. I knew I didn't want him back, but all I could do was cry. I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my cheek. I layed there, and told him to stay with her. That "we" weren't a possibility, and he agreed. I keep murmuring her name under my breath, wondering why that one word ate at me. It was breaking me down. Yet, he still loves me, and I still love him. I can't tell you why this hurts me more than you can imagine. Maybe I really haven't moved on....



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