From my journal's pages... 12/25
darian_renee
Christmas Day 2009 (December 25th, 2009)

Merry Christmas! :] What a wonderful Christmas/Christmas Eve it has been! The birthday of our Savior, God's greatest gift, family, and a great trip to look forward to! This Christmas has been the best for many reasons. I think after all these years of sunday school and church, I can finally acknowledge the greatest gift of all time, Jesus Christ. The joy of my day has been so much greater than any past. My family was truly the icing on the cake this year, rather than the cake itself. Sure, its great to spend time with family, but thats not what its truly about. Yeah, some people may try to take the Christ out of CHRISTmas, but they can't take it from the ones who have accepted Christ as their Savior. No one can take that away. Not now, not ever. His love shines in the eyes of his children, and cannot be masked or dimmed.
I cannot tell you how blessed I am. My family all gathered around, laughings and smiling, sharing a meal, and exchanging gifts, is the most wonderful sight to me. Celebrating the single most important birthday in the history of the world with those you love more than any other Earthly thing really warms my heart. I mean, what else could be better? I certainly can't think of anything. ...

*******

...God our Savior showed us how good and kind he is. He saved us because of his mercy and not because of any good things we have done.
God washed us by the power of the Holy Spirit. He gave us new birth and a fresh beginning. God has sent Jesus Christ our Savior to give us his spirit. Jesus treated us much better than we deserve. He made us acceptable to God and gave us hope of eternal life.
-Titus 3.4-7

My New Year's resolution is to read the Bible as a whole from beginning to end even though I've read the majority out of order, and I want to get started now.

- Darian Renee <3

p.s. I leave for NY on Monday Morning!

Writer's Block: Message in a bottle
darian_renee
What three items would you place in a time capsule to help future generations understand you?

Time Capsules have been made several times, and continue to be filled and buried. Rarely, though, do you hear stories of a time capsule being discovered, or dug from the Earth. None the less, i think they give us piece of mind in a sense that we will be understood later in the Earth's history, long after our history is finished. Three materialistic items can hardly help anyone understand who I, or anyone else, is. We are so complex as a race. Human emotion cannot easily be represented by things we've made. Although, I do think there are a few things that show something about me.
My writing, for example, would be something i'd place in the time capsule. My work usually incorporates what i'm feeling at the time, and also gives an outsider a way in. My style of writing also shows a bit of my personality. It also covers so many ranges of what i feel and how I view many different situations.
My bible, would be the second thing I'd put in the capsule. Its the book i try my hardest to live by. It's God's word, which i value over my word. Not only does it tell what i believe, but would maybe give someone an idea of my lifestyle.
The third and final thing i would put in there would be a scrapbook. Memories can a lot of the time define who we are, and where we're going. Pictures show who you were around, what you've done, and the things you've accomplished.
Without knowing someone, their prized possesions can only tell you a small portion of who they are. Materials can't replace human emotion, but they're merely artifacts.


One of Those Days
darian_renee
We all have them. Those days when before you even step onto that floor, you know its gonna end poorly. Those days make or break us though. How you handle them says alot about who you are, and what you're about. Today was one of those days. Disagreements, Bad luck, and all. At times today,i could've chosen to handle situations better, but all in all, i made it through and handled what was at hand the best I could've. Its been a super long day, so i'm going to go clear my head.

my poetry, collection one.
darian_renee
i'd like constructive critisim, that is if you'd like to give it :]


Untitled

My memories are fading fast,
And as hard as I try to make them last,
Your face is almost an unfamiliar one.
These revalations, unfortunately have begun.

The Earth still spins,
And here we begin,
A most regretful way of living
This world's truly unforgiving.

**********

Untitled
inspired by August Rush

Just listen. it's all around,
It's as free as a bird, soaring, unbound.
And the music will carry you, it carries me.

The rythym in the wind,
Lifts me up all over again,
And the melody, it's magical,
The music will carry you, it has carried me.

The sound swiftly swells,
And it jovially tells,
A story interpreted by the individual mind,
Music is everywhere, and it is not hard to find.

As it carries you, it carries me,
And it will continue to soar, and remain unbound
Naturally creating a superlative harmony

**********


The Dance

As my shoes slipped on,
And the music came,
The steps laid out in front of me.
Glancing over, my eyes grew large,
Seeing my biggest challenge, my newest dream.

I looked up at an anxious smile,
Asking me to learn the dance.
Taking attention, patience, time,
Practice is long and hard,
But the dance presents a chance to shine.

I nodded my head,
Promised my time,
Knowing the challenge I faced,
I learned the steps,
Wiped sweat from my face,
And the work has been worth while.

Two years have passed,
The dance has made the difference.
Now I can share the dance,
With the ones who wish to learn.
I remember how it looked at first glance,
And I want to help the young ones learn.

Rewarded with smiles,
I will continue on,
And I would do it all over again.
They have made the difference in me,
And I hope to make one in them.

*********

Dancer’s Paradise

The afternoon sun beats through the decrepit window panes,
Reflects through the room like ivy.
Plastered white walls surround me,
Brightening the room.
Everything is calm.
The silence is soon broken,
With a soft and hushed melody,
Consuming the room.
The sweet, sultry ballad is moving.
Shoes of pink satin grace the floor.
Not a sound is made.
They sweep across the room,
Gently, swiftly,
Until they fly of the ground,
Jumping, with a graceful landing.
Passion carries all the worries away.
This is a dancer’s paradise.

**********

Home Town Holiday

Frosted windows, rosy cheeks,
Footprints in the snow,
A crystal blanket,
Streets dressed in white,
As the snowflakes kiss your nose.

Seeing your breath in front of you,
Feeling the crunching snow under your feet,
It is my heaven-sent wonderland.
Isn’t it sweet?

Gathered by the fire,
Keeping warm,
I am amazed and inspired
By this home town holiday.

A winter time reverie,
Gifts are given and received.
A superlative memory,
Sweetly comes back to me.
It tells of my childhood yesterdays.
Isn’t it sweet?

**********

Love

It takes courage and understanding,
And it could be demanding.
Yet again,
It’s beauty, like the sun-setting sky,
Is breathtaking, captivating, entrancing to say the least.
When love’s claws grasp you,
Is it pleasure or pain?
One may respond either way.

It is a journey,
And a hard one at that,
But to see all you do,
A million dreams come true,
You will hope to carry on,
When love’s voice calls you,
Will you answer it or ignore?
One may respond either way.

It is involuntary,
And it is definitely unplanned.
Deny it if you must,
For to you, it may be risking too much.
When love’s feet run toward you,
Will your arms open up or close?
One may respond either way.

When love called my name,
I answered.
When love came running to me,
I opened my arms.
What has it brought?
Both pleasure and pain,
And a million things that cannot be forgot.

Would I do it again?
As sure as I stand,
Because now I can make life’s journey,
Holding your hand.

*********

Questions

I know you as you know me,
And I have fallen for you.
Still, being separated by street signs, state lines,
Prove to be our only choice.
And so I ask you,
What if our paths never cross?

I love you as you love me,
And my heart sings your song.
Still, my eyes have not seen.
Proving distance to be our only choice.
And so I wander,
What if our paths never cross?

I yearn for you as you year for me,
And only your voice can soothe my soul.
Still, struggles found, hearts unbound,
Proved our love is stronger yet.
And I think to myself,
What if our paths never cross?

What would I miss?
What would I feel?
What would I be?
What kind of life could I possibly lead?!

With those answers unknown,
I truly believe our paths will meet,
Paving a street made of love.
But in the back of my mind,
And I will ask you once more,
What if our paths never cross?

**********

Something New


To gather it up,
To take it away--
And please, I beg you not to.
--Then again,
What harm could it do?

To quit what we are doing,
To start something new,
Would that be for the better?
Or bad for us all?

Either way it is change.
Good or bad?
I do not know.
Either way it may happen.
Do I want it to?
Not all that much.
Who knows what is to come.
Time will tell,
And it may even fall through
I tell myself once more;
This could even fall through,
And only time will tell.

**********

New Pots

Inside the green house I roam.
Sunlight leaking through the worn windows,
As I walk through the sea of green leaves.
I look all around at the healthy young plants
Until the gardener
And a slightly older plant steal my attention.
He seems to be moving the plant to a bigger pot.
The plant,
--A lilac bush?
Maybe.
It has grown too big for it’s first pot,
Proving a bigger one was in need.
The old pot,
Considerably too small for it now.
The transplant will be for the little shrub’s well being.
And then I finally smile,
Agreeing with the growing nursery plant.
Maybe it would not be such a bad idea,
--If I were that little plant,
Growing too large for my pot.
To start somewhere new,
I think I would grow bigger yet.

**********

Her way

They called the girl foolish,
Crazy,
And blind.
She did not think anything of it though.
After all,
It was her life.
She could live it her way.

They called the girl unrealistic,
Absent-minded,
And stubborn.
She did not think anything of it.
After all,
It was her romance.
She fell in love her own way.

They called the girl strange,
Silly,
And childish.
She did not think anything of it.
After all,
It was her dream.
She dreamed her dreams her own way.

Now she called those people boring,
Predictable,
And afraid.
They thought the world of what she had to say.
After all,
They conformed to what society wanted,
Too afraid to live, love, and dream their own way.

**********

Let Me Tell You, Whoever Was Wrong

Whoever set the age limit on love
Didn’t think of the young ones like us.
Whoever says young love is a fallacy
Never has felt love like ours.
Whoever looks down on us
Won’t let their heart become free.
-And regardless of what Whoever may say or think,
We’re young.
We are in love,
And that won’t change.
Sure, I might agree we are crazy.
However, for my insanity I will not be ashamed.
I’d even might admit it.
And who really knows,
Maybe we are too young,
But that isn’t going to stop us.
Not now.
Not ever.

Before you even say a word,
Whoever you may be,
Take a minute to remember your very own teenage years.
Didn’t you hate to be told
You’re too young.
You don’t know what you are saying.
Do you remember those phrases?
Yes, those same ones you’re repeating to us.
You felt pretty small and ignorant when you were on the flip side.
Now, whoever you are,
If you still feel the same after reflecting on this,
I feel sorrow for you
Because whoever you are,
You have never learned to trust your heart.
You're empty,
And I'm sorry.

***********

Untitled 5

Love will never be perfect
Or easy,
Or convenient.
But believe me when I tell you,
If it’s true,
It’s more precious than diamonds
And gold.

Love won’t always be accepted
Or thought highly of,
Or work out well.
But I promised myself,
And you should too,
That love will always be cherished.

Love will never be painless
Or simple,
Or mindless.
But it will bring smiles,
And bliss.

When you’ve found that one person,
This I promise you;
There will never be something more beautiful
Than true love,
You’ll find nothing more beautiful,
As long as you may live.

**********

When I Finally Sleep

As I lay here thinking
Through another sleepless night,
My hear overflows with your love.
The joy of my happiest days could not surpass,
The sheer gladness my heart now possesses.

As I hold your heart close to mine
Through all the good times and bad,
I long for your soft, gentle touch.
The yearn just grows stronger,
Until I’m completely consumed
With thoughts of nothing but you.

As I finally drift off to sleep
To a warm and sultry place,
My dreams hold your smile and laughter,
As I stay with you all of my days.

Peaceful I lay
As I rest with a smile,
And the stars shine so brightly above.
My dreaming so vivid
I nearly feel your embrace around me
A quick little shiver comes as I think of the end
Of a truly beautiful night.
I do not want to face
A day of reality,
And I hope I will not awake,
From this fantasy,
A treasured reverie,
That I would not surrender for anything.

**********

Out My Window

As I stare out my window,
I think of you.
I think of your smile,
Your touch.
Now, let me tell you,
I would give it all
To be there in your arms,
Close to your heart.

As I stare out my window
Graced by the sun,
I see your face in the thin, fluffy clouds.
A smile comes across my face
As I imagine your sweet embrace.
Oh, how I long for your sweet embrace.


please critique it! honestly too. i take critisicm well.

Why It hurts.
darian_renee

There hasn't been a day that I haven't found myself thinking about him. I said goodbye first, but I still miss him. Feelings still linger, but I know I don't want it again. I can't want it again, and I most certainly can't have it.  He says he still loves me, after I "shattered him into pieces", I have regretted hurting him the way I did since it was done, but I needed some air and space. I still do love him though. Lastnight, He calls, and for the first time since things have ended, we talked. We talked like old times, but it was different, yet too much a fimiliarity. It felt like nothing had ever happened, or it felt as if everything had happened,  A new name came up, and he said he needed her, because she picked up the mess i made. At this moment, i felt like someone had kicked my feet from beneath me. I don't know why. I knew I didn't want him back, but all I could do was cry. I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my cheek. I layed there, and told him to stay with her. That "we" weren't a possibility, and he agreed. I keep murmuring her name under my breath, wondering why that one word ate at me. It was breaking me down. Yet, he still loves me, and I still love him. I can't tell you why this hurts me more than you can imagine. Maybe I really haven't moved on....


-darian♥renée

Looking Ahead
darian_renee


Lately, I can't help but to look to what is coming my way. I see great opportunities, fun, and happiness. When I look at right now, I see noting but a large amount of work, piles of things to do, and no end in sight. Looking ahead, and i'm aware of this, isn't getting any of these things finished, and prolongs the process. Therefore, my cards are now stacked against me, and i've to climb over them, and fast.  As deadlines are coming, I'm racing to beat them. Not only finish the task at hand, but to do it well. Theres only so much I can do, and I'm starting to feel slightly overwhelmed.

-darian♥renée


I couldn't tell you why
darian_renee

     Coming to an understanding of why my head must insist on racing a hundred miles a minute. It's almost like a plague, a constant distraction to everything I need to have focus with. I find myself constantly floating among a thick cloud of thought. My mind wanders to places some people never come to see in their lifetime. It's like I feel the need to know why and how with everything, everyone, every time. It gets to a point where it's exausting.
     It's the cause of so many of my worries and concerns. The situations, which should be why you worry, are only the start of my problems. Yeah, the situation is where it all starts, but my thoughts break down and analyze every detail so much that I have no realistic fixes or solutions. Therefore, the problems remain unsolved, and i loose sleep over it at night. I wish for once in my life, my mind could just take a rest, and stop.

                                           with  love,

                                                       darian♥reneé

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